Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
