Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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