So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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