**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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