I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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