home. puking in laundry basket.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
