Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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