You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
