Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
