i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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