so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's the barista slut.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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