When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize