There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
