You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
