in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
