I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
