actually, I'm a sock model
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
