Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
