I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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