let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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