My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
