I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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