you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
