I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
