it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize