no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
