I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
