She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
