chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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