and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
