I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
