Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
