Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
