If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
