The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my being single is dangerous.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize