You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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