she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
