i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
