drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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