Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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