She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
