Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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