I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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