Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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