Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize