Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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