So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize