his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My bed smells like the plague
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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