the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
