Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
