you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
