i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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