i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
