i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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