theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
