Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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