when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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