weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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