you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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