I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
