Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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