well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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