Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
