NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
