our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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