I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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