I puked a lego.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
