i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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