i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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